questions without answers

Don't know why you get to thinking certain things but today was one of those days...thinking of my grandbabies and being a gr-ma...
my thinking;;;;;;
I couldnt wait to be a grandma...I always thought that having a son the day after my 18th birthday that I would be a young gr-mother but that was not to be...When I was 36 my son entered his first year of service..
After four years--give or take a few months he was discharged.now I'm 40..After army discharge he ran with old friends,started dating a young girl which soon became his wife and soulmate...They married 14 years or so ago and at the age of 32 (for him) my first gr-daughter was born..at which time I am 49 so now I'm a old gr-ma..
Four years ago..another baby girl was born so now I have the only two gr-children I will ever see because no more children will be born in this marriage,,
I visioned being a gr-ma and being able to take gr-children with you..on trips ..to the park,,overnite stays,,like all the other families I knew could do with their own....This is not the case...Why,,, 7 years later I'm still trying to figure it out...I say nothing so as not to cause a rival in the family .Maybe because on the mothers side of the family this was not done in their young days either.."Why ',I asked.Because all the immediate family lived in the same town so they didnt get to stay with gr-parents because they visited them on a daily or semi-daily basis.Well,,,that must have been nice but didnt these kids ever want to stay with their gr-ma..and did they get too....I can't answer that,,,I only know my son stayed with his gr-ma several times off and on thru the summer months when school was out and my mother loved it...My sister took him on camping trips.one in particular to Spruce Knob or Pendelton rock in wva. or somewhere about that area...He still talks about the cans of beans her now husband put over the camp fire without opening and how the cans exploded.He loved it....I never held him back from not staying with family as I had nothing to worry about...so it makes me wonder ..why the mother wont let the girls out of her sight...Is there some deep dark secret that is held back and noone knows that happened sometime in her younger days....I know my son was sheltered but nothing like these girls...He was allowed to go overnight with family and had no horrid tales to tell.
I can only hope that one day when my girls are big,,,that they will wonder why they were never allowed to go anywhere with gr=parents..or perhaps the parents dont think I can take care of them...I did enough times when I was going out to their house to visit while the mother run.And not that I have not babysitted for any other kids and took them with me...I've watched lawyers,,doctors ,teachers and nurses children..I used to babysit for a living for over 5 years..some of these children stayed overnite or maybe two..
So for now....My Sundays are spent trying to let them know how much I love them and how they are the most precious girls I could ever have.I dont want anyone telling them that I WOULDNT take them anywhere or I didnt want them to stay overnight ,,If they ever ask these questions I want them to know that I wasnt allowed to take them anywhere or keep them overnite...I would have loved to at any time...
That I have no control over taking them anywhere as I am not allowed to take them out alone...why...again ,,I DONT KNOW THE ANSWER...I cant take them out and be the proud gr-mother like all the other ones i know do. Are these girls going to be sheltered all there lives only to rebel when they get older..I hope I am around to see how their lives turn out.But another question....Why can the 7 year old stay overnight and go with her little friends at school and cant go with her real gr=ma...?
So many questions and so little answers..We couldnt wait to stay with our nana when school was out when we were young,,,I stayed with an aunt in Ohio most of the summer....I think our mother enjoyed the break.I would have if i would have had seven kids....although the boys never went anywhere ..just the girls..there went her cleaners...and her playful pup but she let us go..
I guess that is why I pick up my gr-nephews and keep them with me.I've taken them to the beach a couple years,,zoo..excursions,actually anywhere I want to take them...I hear the now seven year old telling people I am his gr-ma..after all hes been around me more then my own gr-babies..so i let him..And I suppose if these post is read by the wrong person I could be in jeopardy of seeing them on Sundays..and i guess I better keep other hidden secrets off this blog and to myself....
later..........today was a thinking day..